The truth is that, it was all a happy accident.
I was on an internet message board one day, in the religion forum, scanning through some debate threads. It was the usual back and forth between a Christian and a gaggle of atheists. Sadly, I do not remember what the debate was about. But I remember actually feeling bad for the brave Christian, as he was outnumbered and outclassed.
I remember noting that the Christian was falling back on Bible verses and platitudes, and not faring well. I remember wondering how I would fare, as a Christian, in this hostile climate. I created an account. I examined the arguments that the atheists and secularists were making.
Then something amazing happened.
I suddenly worked out a rebuttal to their counterpoints on the spot. It just came to me, almost as an epiphany does or a personal revelation. I wrote it up, posted it and came to the Christian’s defense. A few more scattered objections followed, which I quickly dispatched of– the matter was settled. Score one for theism and Jesus.
I really got down to thinking about what had happened later that night. I had, on the spot, countered an atheist’s argument without much effort, to be frank. I did so, as an atheist.
I remember getting back up and reentering the forum. I had full intention on trolling the heck out of this forum. I looked for another argument to attack, and waded in.
Two weeks later. I had debunked not one, but multiple arguments on the site. I was heavily involved in 5 or 6 ongoing threads, defending certain scriptures, speaking to the Kalam Cosmological argument, and even coming up with my own rebuttals to common atheist criticisms.
Now, this is an important point that I need to stop and make here: The arguments and rebuttals I was using were my own, created on the fly, except for maybe rechecking the context of a scripture or double-checking a definition.
I didn’t want to consult Reasonable Faith or the Christian theologians or apologists of the past or current. I didn’t want help.
I felt by intuition that if Christianity is worth defending, the arguments and evidences and backing for it should be apparent and available to everybody. You shouldn’t need a priest or a teacher to tell you why you should believe in God.
By doing it this way, I was able to create a few novel and original ideas in apologetics.
It also has to be understood where I was coming from, which was strong atheism. I was a fundamentalist atheist, so to say, actively debating on the internet against Christians and for atheism and secular free-thought as I saw it. I was booked up on Darwin, Gould, Hitchens, Harris and Dawkins. My favorite book at the time was a tattered and underline-ridden copy of the Selfish Gene.
Here I was, night after night, an atheist, taking the Christian position, debunking atheist arguments.
But I was also learning a lot about truth and belief itself. I had a series of revelations during this period of light trolling.
Slowly it began to dawn on me that my objections to the faith were not without resolution. Resolution and understanding was there for the taking, if I chose to take it.
I also realized that these resolutions were not beyond my grasp, or anybody else’s. If anyone chose to believe in God and Christ, they could overcome any interior objections without consulting anybody else, but just by utilizing their own god-given sense and logical capabilities.
Looking back now, it is humbling, because at the time, I was full of pride. I fashioned myself as an intellectual. I talked constantly of evolution, punctuated equilibrium, secular free-thought, bible contradictions, constitutions and regulated societies. I was full of worldly knowledge, you might say, brimming over with it, and it was always spilling out of me everywhere I went.
For God sake I remember going on a date at a bar and talking about Charles Darwin and the Voyage of the Beagle.
But I didn’t have an original thought to my name. I was drunk on the old wine of others. I was regurgitating, but not thinking. I was collecting and shining up theories and facts, but creating no theories of my own.
For the first time in my life, I was using all of my creative abilities, all in defense of a faith I did not own myself. I was forming my own theology, my own ideas and opinions. I began to read the bible, slowly at first, and would receive epiphanies and revelations as I studied the passages.
It made no sense to me, and I was befuddled. Mentally, I was stagnant. Spiritually, I was impoverished. Somehow, though I thought myself an intellectual giant, I was nothing more than a collector of facts, a repository for information, a chest that held the dried and brittle bones of others.
If atheism is the natural state, the resting state of man, then the mind is at rest, too. The mind is in a state of atrophy. Therefore, it cannot be right that the natural state of man is atheism.
Also, I began to question the intellectual capacities of my atheist brethren. Even if they couldn’t discover responses to objections on their own, they could consult a vast library of theological and apologetic resources available to them through search engines and the local library.
So why don’t they?
Because they choose not to.
I realized, that belief is a choice. It is a decision. Those who decide for faith will fight for their faith and defend it, spirit, soul, mind and body. Those who decide for a godless existence will fight for it, defend it all the same.
The responses to your doubts are there for the taking, within you.
Eventually, faith began to flower up within me. It happened gradually, but it was happening nonetheless. And eventually, I find myself at an impasse. How far was I going to go with this? If this is all a choice, that changes everything…
Not much later, I discovered a verse in the old testament that provoked a life-altering decision for me.
O taste and see that the Lord is good: blessed is the man that trusteth in him. (Psalm 34:8)
I vowed to give one year of my life to God.
I vowed to try it, to taste and see.
That was 11 years ago.
Move on to: Reasons to Believe
Why all Christians should Oppose Big Government
If there is No God…
Revival is coming.